State Property 2

As weird as Kevin Bacon throwing up the Roc sign is, there is part of me that would love to have seen him in the movie State Property. Basically, what I'm saying is, SP=PP (PP = poo poo). It is nice to see ODB (RIP) before he passed. However, A-Son only graces the screen for like 30 seconds, and he doesn't even say much. I will say that it is funny to have him be a grimey diner cook, but come on director/co-star Damon Dash, you should know the people love Dirt Dog!

Anywaizzle, the film stars Beanie Sigel (no relation to George Segal) as "Beans", and there IS a plot that involves the previous installment of SP. Beans is trying to keep his business together while up North sharing a cell with "Free" (played by Freeway). There are guns, drugs and ladies involved, along with backstories on all of the main characters that account for 80% of the film. I think NORE was the only one with a different name than his rap moniker; "El Pollo Loco"---delicious!

So the movie was pretty boring and not humorous. Oh yeah, much to my disappointment Killa Cam'Ron doesn't do much either. Just talks about his pink SUV and wears a camo hat...not the most dynamic role. After so many sad moments, I can say that there were very few redeeming features to this film. Thus, the score is scored accordingly: 1,200/1,000,000. Not good.

With all of that said, this review should be more like the movie it describes; underwhelming. I do have a treat though: "Big Baby Jesus I can't wait,

N**** F*** that, I can't wait!" O.D.B. R.I.P.

Seed of Chucky

To continue the Redman theme, Seed of Chucky finally made it to the MVP section of Hollywood vid-jo.

I am not so much a horror/slasher movie fan anymore. I used to be totally into the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise; those were pretty scary. But the Chucky series were always not super scary, but had something that made them more funny than anything (but not funny in a leprechaun "this is so bad it's funny" funny).

Chucky's fan base, for the most part, is owed to characher acting master Brad Dourif; that guy who has been playing the role of the weirdo in everything from One Flew Over the cuckoo's Nest to Blue Velvet to Lord of the Rings. Basically, he's awesome. What makes him awesome in the Chucky movies are the lines that he delivers with such incongruous sketchiness to the innocence of the original (pre-scarfaced) Chucky doll. The big bonus to the Seed edition of the Chucky series is the presence of Red and Jen. Redman plays himself; which is awesome. Jennifer Tilly plays herself in a kind of meta-reality that is really fascinating in a very serious way.

Chucky has always been embraced by the hip hop community. Remember back in the dizzy when Bushwick Bill became Chucky? He actually stared to be known---and maybe even dressing like---Chucky.

For the above reasons I must recommend the series and Seed in particular. It is not the perfect movie, but it is pretty good. Overall rating: 670,000/1,000,000.

fin.

Redman

Widely acknowledged as the greatest rapper (thanks Eminem!), Redman aka Reggie Noble aka Funk Docta Spock is my pick for most favoritest bestest MC (sorry Kool Keith!). While Red has stayed consistant putting out dope verse after dope verse, twisting words and phases like no one else can, he stays humble. The only time I hear him talk about the crown is when he refers to the underground. For that he earns my respect and I'm sure, the respect of many.

Dude has always been gritty, grimey and wild. Reggie has always come with the crazy skits and themes. Shiiii, he even raps in Korean! The guy is the truth, straight up.

I can't thank Red enough for bringing humor and amazing rhyme patterns and vocab to the game and to my mind. He has truly expanded my conciousness and for that I believe that he has done what so few artists have done, make a positive impact. Red is not Kwali. He dosen't talk about all the books he's read or how pious he is. Rather he raps about smoking weed and being broke. Maybe that is why I can relate so well.

Another great thing about Red are the beats that he creates fo rmany of his songs. There aren't many major label MCs who can say that they produced much of their albums (Dr. Dre is NOT an MC!). Sure, the beats aren't Timbo or Dre, bu they ceratinly reflect the funk sensibilities of the good doctor.

One more thing, as a DJ I like Red on a couple of different levels. First, he too began as a DJ. Second, on a number of his singles he provides a remix (which isn't that out of the ordinary) or an EXTRA VERSE not available on the album/CD (these aren't bullshit verses mind you). To me that is the ultimate form or gratitude to the true vinyl lover and music fan.

If I had to pick one of the 5 (soon to be 6) albums to reccommend, it would be Doc's the Name 2000. Now many will say that Dare Iz A Darkside is better, and I agree. However, DTN2G is a much more accessable album for iPod people. DIAD is a full album with no filler or bullshit. You sit down roll that shit, lite that shit and smoke it. Nuff said!

As an artist Redman receives 1,000,000/1,000,000.

"Yo yo yo, yo yo yo, yo yo, yo."

OGC Da Storm

OGC = Originoo Gunn Clappaz!

This album is, technically speaking, the shiznit. We first got a taste of OGC in Lefur Leflah Eskoshka, when they teamed up with Heltah Skeltah to form in Contructicon like fashion the "Fab 5".

OGC consists of three members: Top Dogg, Louieville Sluggah and hurricane Starang Wunda. They all have gone under various names a few different times since the release of Da Storm but for the most part they keep it pretty straight forward (e.g. Louieville Sluggah becomes Hennyville Guzzlah).

Starang delivers the punchlines in the group. Louie is high energy throughout the album. Top Dogg, well, I guess he takes care of the chants and dope rhyme patterns.

The reason I love this album is because it has a good blue feel to it. More importantly, it sticks to the same feel throughout. What's more, there is even a duet with Sadat X from back in the Wild Cowboy (see this blog entry #1) days.

listening to it with some 5 is the perfect way to spend a night or rainy afternoon. Thus the rating I must give it is 1,000,000/1,000,000.
Nuff Said!

L to R: Louieville, Starang n' Top Dogg

Submerged

Here's a little math for all you bainiacs.
The new Segal flick = Submerged
Submerged = things that are dropped in the toilet
Thus...
The new Segal flick is in my toilet!

But i have to admit, there is a certain charm to his films. I feel a guilty pleasure when he walks up to people with guns and gives them a nice clothesline to the throat. Plus, he loves to try new accents out in the movies. However, usually about halfway through the film he decides that it's frivolous to try too hard and just talks like Segal; all "raspy-squinty".

In Submerged, Segal plays a bayou born, Creole conversing, capitain of a A-Team-esque squad of super troopers fighting somebody for some reason.

On the cover of the DVD (I would say movie poster, but this was a straight to DVD release), There is a submarine, which combined with the title of the film, might lead one to believe that this is going to be a Hunt for Red October meets Under Seige. Instead there are very few submarine moments (I have been informed, since I fell asleep before I saw anything long, hard and full of...nevermind).

So the movie, while I didn't watch most of it, can only be said to be enjoyable on the level of listening to Segal's accent, full of weird special effects and morover sleep inducing. Therefore the rating = 234 (for each spoken Segal line)/1,000,000.

More importantly, who would win between Segal and Norris.
Let's have a jpeg battle!










I don't know, but I think the edge (or the fact that he has a shoty) might go to Segal.



The real question remains, who's action figure would win?
Sorry Steven, red pants wins every time. In fact, that CNAF might be related to He-Man. So definitely a Norris victory.